(I know it's late but you can still enjoy... assholes!)

The wooden door Splinted on the force of the muscular man running into it. "Try again!" Another man commanded. The door creaked voilently as the man slammed it again. "Let's just blast this thing open," The second man said. The first, muscular man fired his gun with an empty magzine making a clicking sound. As the gun was clicking the door suddenly opened. The two men looked into the hallway on the other side.
"Ladies first," Said Jacob, the muscular man.
"Shut up!" yelled Jack the other guy. The words vibrated throught the house alerting its contents of their presence.
"Oh creeeap," Jacob growned. Just then the barakade on the other side began to move. Jack nodded his head at the door. Jacob walked up to the it with his mini sledge hammer at high rase. He tapped the door with his unused left hand. "It's good--" Just then a hand broke through the door and grabbed Jacobs forarm. Due to the zombies grip possition he could not hit it. "GET IT OFF ME!" Jacob screamed
"Move over!" Jack commanded. He took his crowbar and slammed it on the entry point of the arm, snapping it. The house was sillent when the zombie was slain. "Ok if they're in the attic and we're on the 3rd floor all we need to do is find the staircase," Jack decided.
"Lets go," Jacob said. Down the hall way they where first looking through there was a staircase. "Well thats convenent," Jacob noted. So Jack and Jacob went up the stairs. when they got up to the top of the stairs there was a human like creature hunched over something. Both of the men prepared their weapons. They walked up to the creature with their weapons held high. Jack started a 3 secont count down with his finger. 3. 2. 1. "YAAAAAA!" Yelled both men
"OH MA GWAD!" Yelled the 'creatue' in responce. "Don't sneek up on me like that!" Jack and Jacob where still in shock.
"Well let's get out of here," said Jack first from relising he had not found a talking zombie.
"First things first, have you been biten?" Jacob asked.
"No, I didn't know there where any zombies here 'till I looked out my window." He/she/it responed. It was hard to tell the race or even gender due to all the blood on the kid or adult.
"You are one BAD liar," Jack stated.
"I think the kid blocked out any bad images in his head, meening he dosen't remember fighting or anything." Jacob wonderd. Jack guessed it was a posablity. He began to look around the room.
"Oh look, it's raining," Jack pointed out after looking out a window.
"Hey, who old do you think this house is?" Jacob asked.
"Judging on the style of arcatecture. 70-100 years old, give or take," Jack responed. "Why?"
"Because a house that old probly don't have--" The roof crashed in causing a loud noise. "Rain profing."
"Fallow us closely, unless you don't like your limbs the way they are," Jack commaned. The group went down the stairs they came and was met by the barrakade infront of the door, still with a hole in it. They all carefully moved the dressers and chairs without a single sound. "On the count of three we go, 1, 2,--"
"YAAAAAAAAA" Yelled Jacob and the other person.
"No one listens to me," whined Jack. Jacob was smashing everything he saw while Jack was trying to catch up.
"We're all most out of here," said jacob.
"Wait, stop!" yelled the the unknown person. Jack and Jacob looked puzzeld. "I remember everything now. My name is robert uhhh, something, I donno. I've lived my entire life in a well what looks like an orpinage. We where mistreated, but we lerined how to survive. When I was let out I found this abandoned house and did my best to live here."
"Look kid can't this wait the bullding is coming apart!" Jacob commanded. As soon as Jacob was done talking a board came lose and hit robert on the head, knocking him out. "Why do I keep geting cut off!"
"At least he's quiet." Jack noted. Jacob hit Jack in the face for saying that. "Alright, but your caring him." Jacob was the first to see the door, but he ran right through it. He was then met by almost an entrie wall of zombies. "No! It can't end this way we won. We finished the misson!" Jack cried as he saw his greeters. Just then Chuck Norris heard Jacks sarrow and round house kick all the zombies from the other side of the U.S.
The End.
"Wait, what it isn't so post to end like that!" said Jack.
"Well it did so get over it!" Yelled Jacob "I'm just glad to get out of there."
"Speaking of there, where is here?" Robert asked very confused, but over his memories.
"I have an idea," Jack said. "Maby what go us here ripped a hole in the space-time contum thus tranceporting us to an alternet demention."
"But wouldn't the zombies be here too?" Jacob asked.
"I guess we're just lucky," Jack said.
"OH OH this is just like that episode of Sponge bob where," Robert began.
"I know what your talking about, but please lets be relvent to the situation," Jacob orderd. Just then all three of the men found them selfs at the other side of a door.
"Try again!" They heard from the other side.
"Wait one minute I think we're reliving our own history!" Jack discoverd. "I know what happens next." He then looked through the key hole and after a few seconts he opened the door.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" Jacob wispered.
"Making history fallow its course," Jack said."Come on we need to get to the roof." Jack found a latter that took him up to the roof. The others fallowed Jack, but they where still confused. "All we got to do is wait untill we hear Jacob talking" Jack then put his ear to the roof and waited untill he heard the que. "Now!" he commaned. Jack and Jacob then began pounding on the roof with their weapons while Robert was jumping up and down.
"Its giving way, MOVE!" Jacob yelled. The roof then began to shake, but robert didn't relize it. Just then Robert fell through the roof. He then began to fallow his present self. Half way down the hall he held onto himself and began to wisper the truth in to his ear.
"What happens when history becomes the present?" Asked Jacob.
"I think it just keeps repeating its self. Our past becomes the present which becomes the futcher." Began to explain Jack.
"Like that one episode of ********* where ***** and ****** keep geting cloned in the exact same way we are?" Asked Robert.
"Yes, that may happen, but we still need to get out of here!" Said Jack looking angry. "All we need to do is intervine with are own history!"
"But by doing that we will remove are selfs from the face of the world!" Questioned Jacob very very confused.
"How 'bout this; would you rather live in a never ending nightmare OR end your life entrerly?" Asked Jack.
"Good point," responed Jacob. "Let's finish this."
"We should be restarting any," began Jack. He was already in the past. "All we need to do is not open the door." And so they did. Then the paradox world was distroyed and it was like nothing ever happened.
EDN
"Finaly!... wait... DOH, CRAP!" Yelled Jack.